Rob's Blog
Penis profiling
15th Dec 2006 22:12
In the car on the way back from Taekwondo (no fainting today) I had an epiphany. There's two types of email spammers in the world.
The first kind are 'legitimate spammers'. They're the kind of junk mailings that you could unsubscribe from if you realized it. They're newsletters that originate from legitimate companies that you accidentally told you didn't mind receiving mailings from six times a day.
The other category are 'penis spammers'. This kind of junk mail appears to originate from a group of people that have somehow succeeded in broadly grouping every man, woman and child in the world into one of 6 categories relating to the male phallus:
- your penis is too floppy
- your penis is too small
- you think being a stockbroker will make you rich and compensate for your small penis
- you think laundering money will make you rich and compensate for your small penis
- you think buying a fake Rolex will compensate for your small penis
- you don't mind forwarding all of your friends email addresses to a marketing company through fear of invoking a curse which means your penis will fall off or never get used
I'm interested in how accurate spam profiling is. My gut guess is that it's probably about as accurate as a sniper with a shotgun...
... but maybe there's something too it. I mean... I've only really got my own spam experiences to go on. And I am, after all, a bloke. I also run a business. So perhaps it's only natural that all of my spam is related to making money and emphasizing the size of my penis.
In a strange way it actually seems as though I've been quite well profiled.
Do I just happen to fit into a universal spam mold? Or have I been well profiled? The question I really want answered is: do other people get a different collection of spam? Do the unemployed get constant offers of work? Do the young women get constant offers of cheap boob jobs? Do the single mums get constant offers from dating companies?
I hope it's one of those two. I hope I either happen to fit into the universal mold or I've been well profiled. Because the only other option is that I've started to become so influenced by spam that I've actually started to believe the lifestyle that it's offering.
Does, urm, does my penis look small in this..?
